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As a Millennial, I believe when it comes to our raising, we got the short end of the stick. Was this intentional on our parents’ part? I don’t think so.
As with every aspect of life; religion, politics, parenting ideas, the pendulum swings back and forth from one extreme to the next. I think that’s what we saw.
And today, I think we are seeing the pendulum swinging back to the other side. Maybe not to the extreme as our grandparents.
We have parents who were raised by parents with a hands off parenting style and they just wanted to do better for their kids. That resulted in helicopter parenting.
As we know now, helicopter parenting creates adults who have a lower self-esteem, higher anxiety, and reduced decision making skills.
Yep, that’s us.
Disclaimer: I am just a mom who loves all four of her amazing children. I have no formal education in parenting or child psychology. I’m just giving some practical advice.
This is me reflecting on my own childhood in hopes of helping others.
Maybe you weren’t raised like this. Your parents may have raised you in a different style, maybe authoritative or even neglectful.
I’m not trying to say the way you were raised by your parents was wrong, but regardless as parents we always have that desire to do better for our kids. However that looks.
I personally feel I was raised with a more neglectful parenting style. I say that because my mom was a single mother and my dad was involved only a little. I love my mom and I know she did the best she could.
So How Do We Give Our Children What We Didn’t Have?
Just to be clear. I am not talking about money or material things. I believe those things in excess only makes things worse.
Obviously money and material things makes the world go round and I do want them to have what they need and a little extra like maybe making memories traveling. However, where we travel might be limited by our funds.
I will not go into debt to give them the experience of travel. If we can’t afford it we do something else.
Here are the things I do focus on for my children:
Slow Living: We don’t run from activity to activity. Our oldest daughter goes to dance once a week. Our son plays baseball in the summer. Our two little girls haven’t started anything yet. Being at home where you don’t feel rushed is good for the soul.
Letting Them Take Risk: According to my mother-in-law, walking outside without shoes is too risky. Andrew still only takes off his shoes right before bed! Nope, that doesn’t work for me and my wild crew. Shoes are optional on our property. The only exception is when we are out working the animals. If you haven’t walked outside barefoot in the grass, stop and go do that right now! It’s good for your soul!
Life Skills That Were Cultivated In Everyday: This one is a big one for me. I feel like I was cheated. No one taught me budgeting, or baking bread, or how to stock a pantry to get the grocery bill down. Sure I know how to get ice out of a plastic ice cube tray, but I’m forty years old teaching myself how to sew. Our oldest daughter is learning to cook from scratch and makes her own Barbie clothes. She’s going to do great things!
A Modeled Love Of Learning: The best thing, the very best thing we can do for our kids is model a love of learning. This is my favorite thing about homeschooling. I learn right beside them. I am just as giddy about going to the library as they are.
Emotional Awareness and Healthy Communication: It took me way too many years to learn to say “when you leave your cup on the living room side table, it make me feel like you don’t care and aren’t willing to help” Seriously, way too many years. Growing up, yelling was our communication style. It took an astounding amount of patience from my husband, but he taught me how to express my feelings in a healthy way. I use emotions and feelings posters for our kids when they are little to help them identify their feelings. Although this is truly a lifelong process.
Parents Who Love Each Other And Show Affection: Being raised in a single parent home, I did not have this and had no idea what it looked like. Fortunately for me my husband did. We take the time to sit together and talk or watch TV. We stop in the middle of our busy lives for a slow dance in the kitchen. Our kids are watching how we treat each other. It’s so critical that we model a healthy loving marriage. I want them to have what Andrew and I have.
I get that some of these things can be difficult to do. Especially in these days of so much distractions, responsibility and anxiety. But remember when it comes to our children being present is way more important than being perfect.
Do the best you can and always put God first!